10 Kinds of Typical Malaysian Friends

It's a rainy Sunday afternoon..
I'm getting bored..
Okay.. still bored.. So I've scrolled through my friend list in WhatsApp, in the end, got too lazy to message anybody and had decided to do this..

***ANY SIMILARITY IN REAL LIFE SITUATIONS IS STRICTLY COINCIDENTAL. IF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE, PLEASE DON'T SCROLL DOWN FURTHER***

There are normally 10 kinds of typical Malaysian friends that you can find. Being the stereotypical me, I put them in these 10 groups and decide what topic to talk to them, or what topic to brush them off.

1.) The FFK-ers - They will ditch you in every event that you invite them to or they will ditch you even if they invite you.
What subject to talk to them : Everytime you see them/message them, do not forget to say, "Hoi ****er, ffk me again, how many times already?"
How to repel these friends : Simple, call them to every event, cause they won't turn up anyway
How to attract these friends : Even simpler, don't call them to every event, they will turn up
Percentage of this group in friend list : 15%

2.) The "Oh-I-Know-Everything" - This group will probably be the second most annoying one ever because whatever that you say, they will know and they have a solution to it.
What subject to talk to them : Anything and prepared to be annoyed.
How to repel these friends : Copy their attitude, act like you know everything and argue with them with facts plucked from unknown places because believe me, even if you say "Eh, my grandma this year is 83 le", your OIKE friend will say "I know, 83 ma, right?"
How to attract these friends : Pretend to be stupid and let them talk all they want, pretend to admire them as well.
Percentage of this group in friend list : 10%

3.) The super religious type - Ha, this is the most annoying one ever because ever action that you do, they will relate it to religion, somehow, even how you breath becomes a problem to them.
What subject to talk to them : Religion lo.
How to repel these friends : Tell them you're a free thinker and starts disagreeing to all their religious beliefs, whether you believe or not, if you don't want them around, just disagree
How to attract these friends : You don't have to attract them, they come involuntarily and will try their very best to convert you.
Percentage of this group in friend list : 5%

4.) The bro and babe type - Haaa, this one all will come and talk nonsense to you and that's all, although they think they are very close to you, but once you have a problem, that's it, good bye. This happens to be the biggest group in your friend list as well.
What subject to talk to them : Anything that's not serious.
How to repel these friends : No repelling, this one needs to find a cure. Author has no idea.
How to attract these friends : Same as number 3, they come involuntarily.
Percentage of this group in friend list : 25%

5.) The "Politicians" - Waseh, this group is very scary because wherever/whenever you see them, it's allll about politics, similar to the religious type on number 3, this is all about politics. Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, bedroom, toilet - anywhere la, for sure has political stuff.
What subject to talk to them : Politics lo.
How to repel these friends : Disagree to every political view that they have, if they support opposition, you tell them you support government, if they support government, you tell them you support opposition, confirm will piss them off.
How to attract these friends : Haa, this one you have to add from Facebook. Their wall security setting normally is public when it comes to politics, when you see one profile like that, go la add.
Percentage of this group in friend list : 5%

6.) The "Party Animals" - Heh, this group of friends will like clubbing, drinking and partying, oh ya chicks and dudes as well.
What subject to talk to them : Alcohol la! Sibeh on la once you start.
How to repel these friends : Pretend you don't like all these kind of stuff.
How to attract these friends : Just post on Facebook your drunk face, your favourite alcohol, your sexy clubbing dress.. or just pretend you're very stressed, they will come to you with alcohol as the solution.
Percentage of this group in friend list : 5%

7.) Bojio Kaki - Waaaa, this one also very annoying, most of the time you will find them on Facebook.
What subject to talk to them : Don't need to talk to them la, just post where you've been on Facebook.
How to repel these friends : Delete from Facebook la! Or block lo.
How to attract these friends : Post your whereabouts on Facebook everyday and don't reply cause they never get tired of this anyway.
Percentage of this group in friend list : 10%

8.) "Eh-never-belanja" or "Eh-you-come-fetch-me-la" type - This group of friend will put a big hole in your wallet.
What subject to talk to them : Anything la, as long as you belanja or fetch them.
How to repel these friends : Don't even fetch them out la.
How to attract these friends : Easy lo, belanja every single thing until you fed up.
Percentage of this group in friend list : 10%

9.) The "I-think-I'm-Japanese-because-I-watch-a-lot-of-anime" type- This group of friend very harmless, cause they will do their thing and won't bother about you, just that when you talk to them sometimes, expect some Japanese words to be used la, although they can't understand Japanese very well anyway.
What subject to talk to them : Anime lo.
How to repel these friends : Tell them you don't watch anime lo. Caution : DO NOT ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S ANIME. Why? Try yourself and you tell me la.
How to attract these friends : Tell them you like anime lo.
Percentage of this group in friend list : 5%

10.) The "Oh-I-know-everyone" type - Waaa, this group of friend is verrrrry entertaining, especially if you found out that they don't know the person and act like they do.
What subject to talk to them : Humans.
How to repel these friends : Danger, there's no repelling.
How to attract these friends : They will appear randomly like Pokemon.
Percentage of this group in friend list : 10%

Okay and this is the end of my list.. I'm sure there's more laa.. but as of now I can only think of 10 cause I want to go out already :p Share with me la the type of Malaysian friends you have. If any of the readers is offended, I won't be responsible for it, I've already mentioned, this post is for fun.